Keep the Focus

Right now I have several distractions in my life at home and at school.  They are the things that keep calling out to me…”Pay attention to me.”  “Give me your energy and time.”  “I am what is important.”  But they are distractors.  They are pointing me in the wrong direction.  They are the things that cause me to go to places of self-doubt, resentment, gossip, and even a bit of hopelessness.

But those things that keep my eye on what is important give me energy and a sense of purpose and belonging.  Today I choose to keep my eye on those things.  One tool I use to keep balance and look at the important is examining my four natures.

Physical

Today I will focus on my health and loving my physical body.  In recent months I have had a growing acceptance of my body.  Recently I went to visit my mom.  Out of the blue Mom said to me, “I hate my stomach.  I know you do too.”  And my response was, “No, mom, lately I have been loving my stomach.”  Her response, “No you don’t.  Don’t lie to me.”  Mine to her…”Really, mom, I have been loving my body. I love my stomach”  I find that that compassionate stance with a vessel that has taken me through thick and thin has allowed me to take care of myself in a loving way.  To eat right.  To exercise.  To live in what I have been given.  And to accept myself where I am. 

Emotional

Today I will focus on the relationships in front of me and build capacity in my life to love deeply.  I have two adult children who I dearly love.  I have friends who adore me and who I adore.   Today, as I get caught up in things that don’t go the way I might want, or get hurt because of something said not quite right, or wish for love not being offered, I will take a breath and ask myself how can I best build love.  That will take me where I want to go.

Mental

My mental domain has been square in the middle of school.  School started two weeks ago (in upstate NY that is so rare as school typically begins after Labor Day).  But at school I am and there are hundreds of details and some big pieces that are unknown and scary for some.  So…today I am keeping my focus on the students in my school.  We have over 400 of them--all coming to learn and to develop skills that will help them at school and in life.  I will keep my focus on them when other distractors come along.  When I find my time eaten up or my focus on the minutia, I will remind myself of the students and ask myself if what I am doing that contributes to my desire to give the best school experience possible for these young people.

Spiritual

Today I will give myself time for quiet and reflection.  Time to write to hear my voice and to write to give myself the possibility to touch on inner wisdom that is bigger than who I am.  It is in that space, I know my best self and understand my life purpose.  It is in that space that I can know self-acceptance and self-love.  It is in that space that I see who I am and see me as God sees me.  When I center, when I pray, when I reflect--to me they are all the same, I find peace.  Here is the place I really keep the focus.  And with that focus, giving back is natural and balance is inevitable. 

Join the Spiritual Round-Up at Reading Teaching and Learning.  http://hollymueller.blogspot.com

Laughter

"Laughter is carbonated holiness." ~Anne Lamott

My new favorite quote is one on laughter created by Anne Lamott.  Just reading the sentence makes me want to laugh.  And it reminds me how closely linked laughter and holiness is.  Just a burp away...
So to honor both laughter and holiness here are a few of my favorite belly laugh videos.  Let the laughter bubble up.  Enjoy!

This week for Spiritual Thursday, we are invited to write about laughter.   Thank you to Holly Mueller and to all of the others who contribute their words.

My Footprint

This week for Spiritual Thursday, we were invited to write about leaving a legacy.   Thank you to Holly Mueller and to all of the others who contribute their words.

"When you let go of who you wish you were, you reclaim your power to be radiantly, magnetically, and creatively who you are."                                ~Heather Ash Amara                                                                                                                    

I have not often thought about my legacy or leaving a legacy.  Yet we all leave our footprints.  A charmed legacy is one for which, as Amara states in her wise words, one lets go of what is wanted, to stand in the power and the grace of who one truly is.  To leave a charmed legacy is to choose to live life fully…sincerely.  To live through suffering, embracing the tears as signs of a life that touches and is touched deeply--even when a heart is broken.  To live through joy, allowing the well of happiness to be planted deeply within, spreading to others in daily touches--a heart overflowing.  Accepting each moment for what it is--both with its blessings and its sadnesses.  To lead a charmed life one embraces abundance rather than bemoans scarcity.   To live a charmed life one accepts the gift of who one is--with warts and beauty alike, allowing that life to flourish in any and all circumstances.  Living in this space is how I want my footprint to be formed.  How I wish to mark my legacy.

Momentous moments in my life have given me glimpses of my legacy. Times of change--moving from one city to another, going from one school to another, leaving one house for another.  Times of great joy--marriage, birth, life celebrations.  Times of devastating sadness--death, loss of a child’s dreams, loss of a beloved job.  At these pivotal moments, grace to see what is true is given and glimpses of how one lives life can occur.

But those moments are not what a legacy makes.  It is in the day-to-day steps we take…in the ordinary choices that our footprint is cast.  Do I see the extraordinary in the ordinary?  Am I kind--to myself as well as others?  Am I caring?  Do I live my life with integrity and honesty?  Do I laugh…daily?  Do I hug those I love?  Am I open to hugging those I don’t love?  Do I work hard?  Play hard?  Live passionately?  Do I enjoy something--anything on a daily basis?  Even in boredom, do I strive to be alive?  Do I stay awake even when I want to numb or sleep?  Do I forgive myself when I am not perfect?  Do I forgive others the same?  Do I acknowledge all I am given (event those things I might not want) with gratitude? Do I accept what is with grace?  Do I give my gifts and accept the gifts I have to give with humility?  These acts will leave the footprint of the legacy I want to leave. 

The daily-ness of a life given often doesn’t present opportunities to reflect on legacy.  Like I said, I don’t really think about leaving a legacy.  But I don’t really have to think about it.  To leave a charmed legacy one only needs to choose to live life fully, step by step, allowing the grace of who one truly is to be shown. Transformed in the extraordinary beauty of the ordinary of each day.  A footprint is formed.

Mirror

Today I look in the mirror.

“Idiot,” I whisper,

chagrined that I reacted

so quickly in anger and

let everything unravel.

I hear in an interview

that a poet I most admire

is a chain smoker.

She speaks about a place

of forgiveness as impossible

for the father of her childhood.

My daily meditation tells

of St. Paul on the way

to Damascus, hating and

plotting, his murderous

threats creating fear,

causing chaos.

Broken people.

Broken promises.

Broken bread.

Broken childhood.

Broken words.

Broken body.

Paul, broken, hears the voice

of god on that trail to Damascus.
Weakness revealed as strength.

Chosen he changes.

Broken he finds love.

She, with her foibles,

breaks open the most perfect of words,

an analogy, a nuance, a twist of phrase,

a space where perfection

breathes in the imperfection
and lives.

In the rawness of reaction,

I wonder, “Would I ever speak

to someone I hate with such venom?”

If not them—why me?

The mirror broken

reflects perfection .

Love is found.

On Walking, Death and Resurrection

This week, during my travels from Cincinnati to Rochester, I listened to a book on tape of Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  I have read the book and I have watched the movie.  In my third encounter with her words, I am struck by her message being a universal message of death and rebirth.  Of death and resurrection. 

She is a person who rose from the depths of her human condition.  She rose from the death of her mother.  The loss of a father she never had.  Her own human failings as she ended a marriage, lived a life of drugs and sexual promiscuity to fill a void she alone could not fill.   Her emptiness was filled as she walked the PCT along the coast of California through Oregon till she finally ended her journey at the Bridge of the Gods along the Willamette entering into the state of Washington.  She walked and allowed nature to fill her.   She walked and created a space to mourn and let go.   She walked and discovered the reservoir within.   She walked and discovered the kindness of others.  She walked and was changed.  

Like Cheryl, I find that as I attune myself to myself and the world around me, I have a choice to welcome birth, death and rebirth and let them guide me in my own journey.   Sometimes attuning takes action.  Sometimes it takes allowing.   There are certain ways of being present that open me to this movement within.  They have become tenants that I hold to and believe are secrets to a life well lived.   Below are some actions and allowings that open me to allowing of the birth, death and resurrection process that opens and heals.   I take action and allow action to take place in me.   

•         I am open to welcome nature and the natural.  My life sometimes is too fast paced and full of concrete and computers.  Nature heals.  The sounds of waves meeting the sand, wind dancing with the leaves in a forest.  Birds chirping to greet me in the morning hours.  The smell of pine on a carpet of fir needles.  Newly blooming crocuses.   Nature slows me down and allows me to find a center.  My center.  The center.   Create in me a space where I welcome nature in to show me who I am.

•       I am open to create a space to be with my feelings.   One thing I know—if I squelch the sadness in me, I also deaden the joy.  Feelings are a part of me that make me fully human.  Too often I create barriers to feel fully.  Afraid that those feelings will overwhelm me.  Today I stop and put my hand on my heart and my gut and simply say to myself, “What are you feeling?  What do you need?”  In this space I mourn and let it wash over me.  I feel resentment and let it wash over me.  I feel anger and let it wash over me.  And I feel contentment and let it wash over me.  And excitement.  And happiness.  This action connects me to my varied feelings—all giving me information to live a life of fullness.  Listening to my feelings in all of their melodies, discordance, and harmonies opens me to rebirth and deep joy.   My feelings are my sisters.   Create in me a space where I listen to feelings and honor them as guides.

•         I am open to living in a space that acknowledges that I am enough.  My reservoir runs deep and is connected to a grace that runs deeper still.  I have been given what I need to make a rich and full life.   I am enough.  I know this most deeply in moments of centering and stillness.   I know this in prayer.  Create in me a still space that fully embraces “I am enough.

•       I am open to the kindness of others.  I am an “I can do it!” kind of woman.  Which can create a crust that does not let others in.  When I create a space for kindness softness happens.  Create in me a space that allows kindness to be given.  That allows me to soften to the good.

Much like that of Cheryl Strayed, my journey is one of discovery.  Action and Allowing, hand-in-hand, walk with me on my path toward self-discovery and fulfillment.  We are greeted by moments of birth,  moments of death and moments of resurrection.  With an open heart, in the walking, with my companions, I am changed.