Today I
am celebrating a mostly unplanned day.
Life has been brim full with activities and “to do’s” that make me
productive and happy. These days also make me
stressed and stretched. Today is a stop
day to celebrate emptiness. Today is a
Deb Day—a day for getting my house in order by creating some white space for
be. Today is a day to reorder my
personal space and to re-connect with myself.
Today is a day to celebrate me.
What is on my “to do” list—nothing?
What activities am I going to do today?
I don’t know!
My life is brim to the top and overflowing. Papers to grade. Classes to plan. Curriculum to write. House to clean. Bills to write. Wedding to plan. Any and every day, I have a “to do” list that can keep me busy from the moment I awake at 5 till I go to bed at about 10. And this is the cycle that happens to me when I let that “to do” be my major motivator:
The first days of my “to do” way of life I am totally productive. I get so much done and I feel accomplished as well as motivated. The next few days, less gets checked off. I lose a bit of focus. I start to slip away from self-care (I might not write for a day. Or I don’t record my food. I choose not to exercise.) Then I spend a day or two looking at the “to do’s” and postponing much of what needs to be done till the next day. I become more mindless in my actions and my thoughts. I lose motivation to eat correctly and might begin to eat mindlessly as well. I feel bad about not accomplishing what I need to do. I move more slowly in what I want to do—yet somehow all that I need to do gets done. In a worst case scenario I then move to what I have been calling “unconscious” living—for a day, a week, a month or longer—doing what I need to do, but somehow losing a sense of self. Till I regroup, mindfully look at my needs and often start the “to do” list again. What a cycle!
So today…I am breaking that cycle. I have been in the “to do” phase. Moved to the slip-from-self-care phase. Touched into the mindless phase. And I am choosing to not going into the unconscious phase. Today is my day to regroup. To put away the “to do”. And use the day for me. A day to celebrate unplanned. A day to celebrate reordering and re-connecting. A day for me. This is what I celebrate this Saturday.
My goal—to break the cycle at stage one of the cycle rather than stage 4 or 5. That is to come. Today I am noticing. And that makes a world of difference and is definitely something to celebrate!
You are aware of your "to-do" cycle. Not only that, but you are thinking of ways to change it. I believe that this will help you to find balance. I hope that you have a fabulous Deb-Day.
ReplyDeleteI've been out most of the day, having fun, gathering some things I know that I need, and now back home, enjoying reading about others' celebrations. This is such good reflection, Deb. I'm happy you consider the cycles that work for you, & then "do" something about it. Hope this day has been good!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you have enjoyed your regrouping day! Perhaps I will try that once during my spring break this week!
ReplyDeleteI go through these phases, too. I'll feel like I'm getting a lot done and then I'll feel like I'm getting no where. Or sometimes it feels like I'm getting certain things done and letting other things go. I've found myself really focusing on balance and not leaning to far into one thing or another. It's not easy! Coincidentally, my post this week is all about lists! I happen to love lists...I even love lists that are just for me. It still feels good to have a list just for me. :)
ReplyDelete